must CHOOSE a mehalech. Not just what comes by. of course good to be nice etc. But must realize the importance of choosing it as a derech. Nedarim 22b only because of this mishna could he use R' Nachman's agitation as a pesach. Otherwise can't claim one person's bother renders neder a mistake. But since it is the chosen derech accepted upon himself, a new chumrah of neder that didn't fit with his derech must be error.
Rashi says tiferes is noach & hana'ah for him & other. See igeres hagra ' for G-D's sake raise them b'tov ub'nachas!' ...that a lesson is not absorbed unless b'yishuv & b'nachas....dispense small coins & the like....
This not only applies to kids but ourselves as well. We absorb & grow when the approach is noach & hana'ah easy & enjoyable. Painful & self deprivaty though sometimes is neccessary, cannot be a persons 'Derech' approach.
R' Yeruchom says az kanomer - bold undertaking. but kal kanesher - the approach to achiev the goal must be so light - as the effortless gliding of an eagle in the air.
Rambam only middle, non extreme is derech yashar. Within that guidline there's still plenty room for personal choice. techunah chshuvah is tiferes - L'nafsho - for self. & minhag tov for people. tiferes means techunah Chashuvah not just 'nice' to some level self glorification. Ba'al tishaktzu demands self refinement not just for others but for self. Assur to smell bad smell - Don't get used it! meiri says 'silsul' is a good trait to have, perhaps this may be reffered to as refinement or class. Not to be 'down & dirty' & casual.
Kalah k'chamurah. Rambam - simchas regel. Ruach chaim - lo lishmah. perhaps that's meaning of kal & chamur light (lacking) substance because the mitzvah lacks true spiritual essence. As opppsed to chamur filled with substance - spiritual essence. Don't view lo lishmah as cheap & not worth the effort. Even lo lishma has huge reward - we can't fthom the reward of any mitzvah. someone enumerated a few intitutions he founded & prided himself that they were pure & lishmah, The ponovezher rav (i think) said what a shame! - if only weren't so lishmah we'd have so many more!
Simchas yom tov can easily be lo lishmah but still be very careful about it! - even more so shabbos r' sorotzkin brings from zohar that oneg shabbos not lishmah is not even deficeint - karas L'shabbos oneg. Not oneg shabbos!
Enjoy shabbos. :-)
