Shoftim - medrash talpiot Hashem doesn't punish for machshava bec only He can testify about our thoughts. & He is our Father & cant punish of father's eidus. Avodah zara thoughts are punished bec the sinner does not relate as Av.
On the other hand we find that in the month of av we suffer not due to a lack of relationship but rather exactly the opposite ka'asher yiyaser ish es b'no...
However in this month of ellul we relate on a different level. Although a father may give 'petch' out of love, no one would say that a husband may hit his wife to discipline her out of love!
In ellul WE should related as a beloved spouse & then even if we need criticism from Hashem it will be with soft-spoken encouragement & not loving 'petch'.
